Thursday, May 15, 2008

And I was worried about the BIRD flu

Crazy Ants Chew Through Wire (I bet the inspectors missed this at Nicole's House)

KBTX May 15, 2008

The issue doesn't come from whether or not you can kill them, it comes from whether or not you can kill enough of them," (I think enrolling a few 1st graders and a box of magnifying glasses might just work) said Jason Meyers, an entomology graduate research assistant, from Texas A&M. (makes a mom proud)

Meyers was referring to "crazy raspberry" ants. (Who came up with that name? Do they stick their tongue out at you?) The ants are named in part for their erratic movements, and for the Houston exterminator who realized he was dealing with a new breed, when he couldn't kill them (his name is CRAZY RASPBERRY?)


Scientists say its likely the ants made their way to the U.S. through the Houston port. (riding on 3rd class tickets on an intel chip) Right now, they're only in 5 Texas counties, and haven't made it to the Brazos Valley yet. (BONUS)

Meyers has been studying them at Texas A&M for three years. (Meyers needs to date more) He graduates in August. (If he doesn't use the "ANTS ATE MY HOMEWORK" excuse)

"The rest of the story (shhhh....I can hear Paul Harvey) however is that there is no one to follow Jason(This is a good thing, this is a bad thing). There's no money to keep a person on staff any longer to finish the job," (We used it all up with Jason's eye exams) said Dr. Roger Gold, a professor of entomology.

That cold (KBTX mis-spelled a word- not the first, wont be the last) be a problem, because Meyers is just about the only person in Texas who's been studying the ants. (That is what is going to score him assistant manager at Denny's) His research discovered the crazy raspberry ants can cause major damage. (Which insurance company's are currently adding as exclusions to home owner policies as we speak)

"Homeowners began to report problems with appliances, outlets, and cars that wouldn't start (and a strange munching sound). The electronics had been shorted," said Gold.

The ants chew through electrical wires, without concern for where the wires are. (Explain to me the nutritional value of plastic and copper?)

"This has ramifications (well when you use a word THAT big we better pay attention) that go all the way to homeland security, such as detection equipment in the port of houston, to NASA (hey, that gives me an idea for a new show...ANTS IN SPACE) itself, or Hobby airport," said Gold.

A solution to controlling the large numbers isn't likely, unless someone else continues the research. (But who will come to our rescue)

"Quietly this thing is moving in the state of Texas," said Gold. "You're gonna hear a lot more about it." (OR NOT, if they chew through the tv and phone lines)

Gold and Meyers say they're not sure when or if the ants will migrate to the Brazos Valley because studies need to be done on the ants' spread. (Okay....so what has Meyers been studying the last 3 years?)

The two have notified the Environmental Protection Agency, the Texas Department of Agriculture, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture about the ants. (and the only response from each department was deafing silence followed by a few obscure snickers.)

Because the pests are only in urban areas right now, researchers say the problem has been ignored. (Cuz there isn't a whole lot of wiring to chew on the farm)

"Should it have been detected? Sure, but the least we should do now is to begin to address the issue, other than what we've been able to do," said Gold. (HUH? What have we've been able to do?? Call a couple agencies and get a story on the news - Three years. Wow. )

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

YES...those dratted things are in my kitchen. They are weird!!

CeCe

Anonymous said...

This is so much more fun to read than the newspaper version. Will you do the headlines every day?