BREAKING NEWS

Staff Reporter Gillett

Squirrel attacks are on the
rise in Brazos county. In the past two weeks there have been several fatalities. The first one was covered extensively by this media organization on the power transformer attack that took the life of "Sparky" Nutgrabber. Mr. Nutgrabber's family vowed further actions. It has been discovered that later that week a Nutgrabber cousin member, Carl Nutcracker, attempted to assault a BTU truck on Golden Trail street in College Station but was killed in the attempt. BTU adamantly denies knowledge of Carl Nutcracker's demise under the front left tire of the BTU truck. Witnesses describe the scene of the attack as indescribable. The Nutgrabbers have rallied the entire squirrel community behind them and are going to hold a recruiting rally at the transformer where Sparky died. City officials do not seem to be concerned about the outcome of the rally and city hall has stated that the squirrels, Nutgrabber and Nutcrackers can assemble without pulling a permit. We will continue to cover the developments of this late breaking story. 1794

UPDATE

Second Rabid Skunk Found in College Station (was hiding from authorities in hole and taken in for questioning)
Jan 28, 2008Reporter: Crystal GalnyEmail Address: galny@kbtx.com

Another skunk has tested positive for rabies in College Station. This is the second rabid skunk found this month in the Raintree subdivision. (The NCAA has been notified and sanctions are expected) Test results on the skunk, found in the 2500 block of Raintree Drive, came back positive Monday. (Congress is expected to supeanea the skunk for it's testimony and a Nutgrabber plot is suspected) Anyone in the area who comes in contact with a skunk, is asked to call police at 764-3600. (after they have bathed and soaked in tomato juice) Rabies is a deadly disease spread through saliva and is contractible by any warm-blooded animal. (So don't worry about rabies if you are bit by a copperhead)

Signs of a possible rabid animal (or human) are:
· Change in behavior - Nocturnal out during daylight hours (or Women on bubbles)

· Unexplainable paralysis or inability to move - (Didn't Dayna say she was staying in bed)

· Not eating or eating strange foods (Wow - sounds like a dieting group I know)

· Pawing at the mouth (Again... the dieting group)

· Appearance of choking (My mother had this alot... did that mean she had rabies?)

· Difficulty in swallowing (not a member of the diet group)

· Chewing at the site of a wound or bite site (don't you have to get pretty close to see this?)